Mind Sex

image A friend recently emailed me and asked some advice.  His girlfriend and he have decided to limit physical intimacy with each other.  His question:  How do I keep pure in thought?

Here are some quick thoughts:

  1. Capture every thought. When you start thinking on the sexual, get busy with something else.  Don’t let it run through your mind and capture your imagination.  2 Cor 10:5
  2. Limit how much you and your lady talk about sex. Draw lines but don’t say “I’m committed to not touch your breasts, although I am certain they are spectacular.”
  3. Draw line physically that make your friends think you are a celibate priest.
  4. Bounce your eyes. See the chesty chick comin’ at you? You know you will look when she comes close – DON’T.
  5. Guard what you see. Most thoughts come from things we have seen. Even a quick scene from a soap opera or a magazine ad can get the thoughts churnin’.
  6. Keep your nose in the word, and your body in a cold shower.

What other advice would you offer to my friend?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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9 thoughts on “Mind Sex

  1. When I have had success and failure always seems to revolve around my intimacy with the Lord. If I am purposely listening for Him, and allowing Him to direct my actions, then I find that anything impure is not even allowed to enter in to my mind.

  2. Be careful where you go. Couple are often tempted to go places where they can be alone – which is quite natural, but when you are limiting physical contact and trying to think pure thoughts, this can make it difficult. Go places where you are always seen. Restraunt, movies, parks (in the public areas), spend time with friends, visit museums.

    Stimulate you mind in other ways, by doing a cooking course or go to a Bible Study together. Play board games, go to the library etc. Learn the art of distraction – this will serve them well if they marry and have children – then they will learn the art of distracting determined little toddlers!! 🙂

    PS: Awesome blog, I really love it. Thanks heaps for blessing me with your words and teachings.

  3. Sex is all around us…its kind of scary. Anytime i'm struggling with something i pray and i mean really pray. I tell him every little thought and feeling and as soon as i'm done it feels like a weight has been lifted. Maybe you and your girlfriend could pray together at times of weakness…i'm guessing it will strenghten every aspect of your relationship!

  4. Skipper has some good thoughts: being alone will allow the opportunity to slip up – maybe physically, maybe mentally. I would take it a step further, though. I would suggest that they eliminate physical affection that might normally be seen as okay – I would eliminate open-mouthed kissing and lying on a couch together. I would even suggest that they not always sit next to each other when they're watching television – maybe one person sits on a couch and the other on a recliner. This isn't to say I think these things are wrong and I'm confident that I'm sounding incredibly prudish, which isn't really the way I am. To me, the point of this is to two-fold: 1) It will create a buffer in their physicality that will allow them to slip up and still be "okay" or "safe" and 2) take their relationship back to where it was early on, which is to say, getting to know each other. Talking. Listening. Not having any physical expectations.

    This brings up an interesting question, though, and I'm probably opening a can of worms here, but is it okay to think about your wedding day (or night, in this case)? I'm engaged and I'm very much looking forward to being married and, frankly, I think about it pretty regularly. Is that impure?

  5. Chris, great thoughts. How can you not think about your wedding night! I would just be careful that your thoughts of your wedding night don't cause you to celebrate it before the wedding. Hang on! It won't be long!!

  6. Thanks,everyone! “The friend” is me. Feel free to hold me accountable. I appreciate the great advice,and your prayers!! (Also,feel free to throw a bucket of cold water on me,slap me occasionally..whatever!)

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